Kira's Prayer
by Cheile
Summary: WYLB and directly after. Kira reflects on her loss. [Winner in 1999's ASC Awards for best Odo/Kira story. Has been featured in the fanzine OdoFiles 2.]


Author's note: Being the hopeless romantic sap that I am, I was greatly saddened to see Odo and Kira part in the finale of DS9. And I hadn't even considered this song as significant until Cristal from RAFL mentioned that she was gonna use it in a song mix. So the blame goes to her! ;-) (j/k, Cristal!) 

Disclaimer: (aka legal B.S.) Paramount owns DS9 and all elements within. The song "Dante's Prayer" belongs to Loreena McKennitt, taken from the album "The Book of Secrets", copyright Quinlan Road 1997. The story, however, is mine.

Apologies: to Loreena for changing one little word in the chorus. (I couldn't help myself. :)

Thanks: To Cristal (again!), to Annie for the hugs, listening ear and virtual Kleenex and everyone in RAFL, with special thanks to beta readers Kristen, Amylynn (Miseri), Cath, and Fliss. Also thanks to Julia and Amy, my "sisters" and to Briahlen, as always.

Dedication: To Rene and Nana--for seven years of laughter and tears. I will miss you.

_  
"We always want to believe there is a place better than our own."  
-- Loreena McKennitt_

Kira's Prayer  
by Cheile

_  
"When the dark wood fell before me,  
And all the paths were overgrown.  
When the priests of pride say there is no other way,  
I tilled the sorrows of stone."_

The moment had come.

Even though Kira had known it for several days already--since Odo had linked with the Female Founder and healed her. Since she had agreed to be tried for starting the whole war--and Odo, in turn, had agreed to return to the Link to heal the others.

They had spent one last night at Vic's--the whole crew. The next day, before they had left, Odo gave her his bucket. Together, the two of them shared a laugh over that. Then Kira looked down at the smooth, worn brass surface--and a thousand memories assaulted her: the day he'd set up his quarters--and decided to use the bucket for flowers...dancing at Vic's...their first kiss...the day he had let go and let her "know him"...the nights she had lain relaxing in the comforting strength of his arms, to fall asleep...and to awaken enveloped in the soothing warmth of his natural form....

He had loved her for many years, though it had taken her a long time to realize it. The past year had been one of the happiest of her life, being with Odo....

The touch of his hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts. She looked up to gaze into those azure eyes.

"You do understand why I must do this, Nerys. Don't you?"

"I understand."

_  
"I did not believe because I could not see,  
Though you came to me in the night  
When the dawn seemed forever lost,  
You showed me your love in the light of the stars."_

Three days later, when they beamed down onto the surface of his homeworld, onto the one rock not covered by the sea that was the Great Link, she was shocked. Instead of smooth gold, the changeling sea was a sickly green.

"It's so different." Kira didn't realize she'd spoken aloud until Odo responded.

"They're dying."

She looked out at the Link for another few moments before saying, "You should go to them."

He turned to her. "Nerys, please--tell everyone I'll miss them."

She couldn't help her smile. "Even Quark?" she teased.

Odo rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly. "Even Quark," he admitted. He paused and locked his gaze upon her. His voice was tinged with a hint of sadness. "But most of all...." He stopped when her fingers touched his lips.

"I know," she replied softly.

_  
"Cast your eyes on the ocean-  
Cast your pagh to the sea.  
When the dark night seems endless.  
Please remember me."_

He took her hands in his, bringing them up to his lips. She closed her eyes briefly as he kissed the palm of one hand, then leaned forward to gently touch a kiss to her forehead, right above the ridges of her nose. She then repeated the gesture, kissing the back of his hand before he leaned forward once again. A slight turn of her face and their lips met in one final, bittersweet kiss. It lasted for only a few seconds, but to Kira, those few seconds seemed like a few hours. She wanted this moment to last as long as possible.

They broke the kiss a few moments later. She looked at him for a long minute, then as she watched, he shapeshifted quickly, so instead of his uniform, he was now clad in a tuxedo.

She couldn't help but smile. "Odo...."

He smiled back. "You always said I looked good in a tuxedo."

She reached up to straighten his tie. "You do."

"Then this is the way I want you to remember me," he replied.

"I'll never forget you," Kira whispered.

_  
"Then the mountain rose before me,  
By the deep well of desire.  
From the fountain of forgiveness,  
Beyond the ice and fire."_

Again, they looked at each other for a long moment. He seemed to be memorizing every inch of her face, to remember her this way. She, in turn, did the same. Then he lifted a hand and ran the back of it very gently over her cheek, never taking his eyes from hers.

"Goodbye, Nerys," he said finally. He turned and walked into the Link, not letting go of her hand. As he stepped farther in, their hands separated, but he still kept his arm out, reaching towards her. She, too, reached out towards him. And then, as she watched, Odo slowly vanished, melting into the rest of the Link, a spot of healthy gold among the green. Then the spot where Odo had been began to expand, in all directions, as the sea of the Link began to heal.

The three-day journey back to the station was difficult. Kira tried not to let it bother her, but there was an empty place in her heart. It felt like the other half of her pagh was missing.

Once she arrived back on DS9, it was somewhat easier. Since Captain Sisko's disappearance (she refused to think "death" until they found some evidence to that fact), she was in charge; as such, her days were always busy and often tiring.

But no matter how tired she was at the end of her days, nights were the most difficult. Having gotten used to being with someone, it was much harder to get used to being alone again.

_You've done it before, you can do it again, Nerys_. But the unspoken truth still remained. Odo had completed her in a way that neither Bareil nor Shakaar ever had, or ever could have.

A week after their separation, a restless Kira climbed out of bed and slowly walked to the viewport, looking out into the vastness of space. She could faintly see Bajor and its moons if she concentrated, little steady dots among the millions of stars. Her gaze idly traced patterns in the stars and then they seemed to form a familiar figure. Unconsciously, she reached up a hand to it and her fingers encountered the plexiglass. It momentarily startled her, but she left her hand where it was against the viewport and continued to look out at the stars. Closing her eyes, she let the memories once more flow through her.

_"Though we share this humble path, alone,  
How fragile is the heart.  
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly,  
To touch the face of the stars."_

She had cried all her tears in the space of a three-hour period one night when she awoke after dreaming of him. Now no more tears were left, just a hollow ache in her heart, the missing half of her pagh.

Daily, Kira prayed for him. She asked the Prophets to help him in teaching the other Founders, to guide him on his path.

"Even if it means that our paths never are destined to cross again, bless him, guide him. Help Odo find the way you've chosen," she ended one night. Slowly rising to her feet, she moved to the viewport, looking out at the now familiar pattern of stars. The ache intensified.

_I miss you._

_"Breathe life into this feeble heart,  
Lift this mortal veil of fear.  
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears--  
We'll rise above these earthly cares."_

A week later, Kira took her midday break and headed down to the Promenade. After confronting Quark about his betting pool, she left the bar and let herself be carried in the flow of the crowd. Inadvertently, her eyes drifted to the doors of the security office. A lump rose in her throat briefly and she looked away. Then another sight caught her attention.

Jake.

He was on the second level, staring pensively out the viewport at the spot where the wormhole would appear. He looked totally lost--and she knew exactly how he felt.

Breaking free of the crowd flow, Kira climbed the nearest set of stairs to the top level and approached him. Jake didn't notice her until she set a hand lightly on his shoulder. He started briefly, then looked down at her. She gave him an encouraging smile and a squeeze on the shoulder. Jake returned the smile, although half-heartedly and reached up a hand to cover hers. Then he turned his gaze back out into space again. Kira let her eyes follow his. The two stood there, letting the crowd move around and behind them. She knew that Jake was thinking of his father, willing him to return. So she allowed herself to do the same, letting the memories drift into her mind once again.

_"Cast your eyes on the ocean-  
Cast your pagh to the sea."_

A bright flare of light broke her train of thought as outside in the distance, the wormhole burst open. It lingered for several seconds, swirling, then with another flash, vanished once more.

Starfleet scientists called it an anomaly, a mere passage through space. All Bajorans believed it to be the Celestial Temple, Kira herself included. But to the colonel, it was also a sign. A sign of hope. It was a promise whose fulfillment would come in no span of time that she could guess, but made no less true because of it. She knew that Odo would return. She could feel it.

_"When the dark night seems endless.  
Please remember me."_

Kira looked out at the stars and, once again, they formed their ever-familiar pattern. His voice echoed in her mind.

_"I love you, Nerys."_

_"I love you, too."_

_....this is the way I want you to remember me."_

_"I'll never forget you."_

_"Please remember me...."_

She would wait for him. And she would remember him--forever.

Please feed the muse :)


End file.
